Recently I went through something, let’s just say, less than ideal. I was talking with a friend as I navigated how I felt and she said “If you are feeling alone in this, know that you aren’t. You are not an island.” It was so interesting to me because as soon as she said that my first thought was “Island! Yes, finally a word for this thing I’ve been feeling!”… Obviously not the intended takeaway, but regardless that’s where I found myself.
As I sat and took time to truly think through that feeling, that label of an island, I really started connecting the dots that I can’t be the only person feeling the weight of that, nor can I be the only person drawing SOS in the sand of my little personal island. I’ve come to the conclusion that “Island Fever” is just a part of navigating being 20 something, and I wish people talked about it more often.
Let’s pause for a second and make sure we’re on the same page when I’m saying island fever. I don’t mean every 20-something-year-old is off in Hawaii thinking to themselves “wow, I miss the 48 states right now”. Personally I think a long-term trip to Hawaii sounds great. What I mean is this feeling of being kind of isolated, and maybe even slightly stir crazy with all of the transitions, relationally, that happen in your 20’s.
You graduate college where all of your closest community is and suddenly everyone is dispersed. Even if you stay in your college town it will never be the same after your roommate moves to a bigger city and your best friend decides to go backpacking in Europe. It becomes essentially a shell of what you’d known for the past 4 years.
You find a job. You go from sitting in class with Bobby who is 18 and Jill who is 22 and that’s the biggest age gap, to trying to explain to a 60-year-old co-worker how bluetooth works. You’re with all these people who have been in a career for 10 years and you’re just trying to figure out how to log into the employee portal, let alone memorize all the acronyms and lingo of the office. And is it weird to ask the 30-year-old co-workers to get coffee on a Saturday? Again, a major shift in the social settings and expectations you’re used to.
Maybe you, like me, decide you’re going to move to a state you never thought you would live in. Now you need to learn the culture. Sometimes that means learning that the speed limit is actually the speed you get aggressively passed when driving, other times that means drawing boundaries around safe spots to run alone (truthfully probably nowhere if you’re a 20-something female but who knows). But either way, that kind of shift, at least to me, feels a little bit like an alien being dropped on earth and expected to know what the freak is going on.
It’s like this awkward balance of, “well I have people in my life, but my roots in those relationships aren’t quite deep enough to break down crying in front of, but my deep roots are halfway across the country” so then you just cry in the car – am I being dramatic? Maybe, but I digress.
But there’s another layer to it. Everyone else in their 20’s is trying to make it look like they’ve got adult life figured out. Like the Among Us game but actually everyone is an imposter just trying to seem like they’re like everyone else. And for those of us who aren’t naturally extroverted, it’s hard to interject and say “let’s be friends” when everyone seems like their work, spiritual and social cups are already all filled to the brim. Plus, how important can finding community be when you’re trying to find a job, balance a budget, make sure you stay healthy (mentally and physically), learn to cook, and obviously get the 8 hours of sleep the doctors recommend. Who has time for speed dating friendships? It’s impossible, and yet incredibly important and as a Christian, to make time to find community.
But what if, in all of this crazy, you’re actually missing that all the little 20-something-year-old islands around you are firing off their flare guns saying “Find me I have island fever!”? This advice was given to me, and although at first it may not have landed correctly, I think God takes those misfires and redirects them, so I’ll pass it on to you. You are not an island, but if you feel like that you are not alone. You’re not behind, not forgotten, not isolated and definitely not dealing with something no one else around you is feeling or has felt. A lot is changing all around you right now, and that is completely normal and okay. Find another island close by, because chances are they need you too.