No Response is a Response

Sometimes I catch myself making excuses for the people in my life who don’t prioritize the relationship we have. I tell myself they’re just busy, they didn’t see my text, or they meant to respond but forgot. But, I have learned, at some point the excuses are not worth the mental space they take up. Sometimes, you just need to learn that no response is a response.

    Leaving for college brought a lot of change into my life. Aside from the curriculum and full schedule, it also brought with it a new environment and completely new people. I quickly learned that the friendships I was making here, in Texas, differed from most of the one’s from home. They felt more intentional, genuine, real. That’s not to say that all high school friendships for me were bad. I have friends from high school that I believe I’ll be close with forever. But I will say I should’ve listened more when adults told me that most of the people from high school wouldn’t be important to my life’s journey in a few years. 

    The difficulty in this realization is the fact that people who I believed valued our relationship ended up being temporary. Friendships I prioritized and put effort into barely exist now. One of the hardest parts of this to accept is that, in reality, it isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s just life. But there comes a point where putting time and stress into a friendship that isn’t being upheld becomes tiresome. And to that I’d say, let go. Relationships are two way streets, and if you misinterpret something and walk away, the other party can always reach out. You can’t carry the weight of a friendship on your own.

    Since we’ve looked at the negatives, it is also important to see the good in this. As time goes on, you learn who your true friends are. Regardless of ups and downs you may have faced, the people who truly care about you will make sure they remain a part of your life — even if it is from 1,000 miles away. Those relationships become stronger because of the room left from others that faded. 

    Coming into college I think I had the wrong mentality. I thought I needed to meet as many people as possible, since no one from home was coming to the same school as me. In reality, it wasn’t quantity that I needed to concern myself with; it was quality. Without my past following me to Texas, I had a clean slate to be completely myself. I could lose all the masks I wore in high school to get people’s approval. I could drop down the walls I put up from surrounding myself with the wrong people. And I could seek friends that saw me, completely, how I needed to be seen. I may not have realized this, but God did. He put the right people on my path here when I needed them most. 

    High school left me wrapped up in my appearance. College gave me room to breathe and accept myself for who I was. In doing this, I attracted people who liked me for me, instead of the image I presented. This was my own fault. I didn’t allow myself to be genuine. Looking back, I wish I had known how little it mattered what anyone thought of me those 4 years. In all of high school I would say I had 5 friends who I could be authentically myself with, 100% of the time. 

    My intention in this isn’t to rag on friendships I had. It is as much my fault as it is the other people’s for them fading away in most cases. It is to clarify the importance of presenting an image of yourself that is true to who you are, and not who you want to be perceived as so that you attract people who like you for just that. You. It is also a reminder that friends don’t always last forever — and that is completely okay. You’ll find better people, and the right ones will stay around. Just remember no response is a response, and that it isn’t selfish to let go of people. God puts people in your life when you need them, and takes them out when they’re not good for you anymore. I choose to trust his faithfulness in the people he surrounds me with instead of putting my faith in people alone.